Dear Union Rep for the Guide dog Union,
I’d like to file a complaint against my human. She did the unthinkable! She! Washed! The! Dog! Toy! My stinky, well-loved, dog spit-encrusted, stuffed squeaky toy trout... She took it away from me, and she put it in the spinning wet thing where the human fur goes to get my fur and spit off of it. So I have to work twice as hard to make it smell like me and look like me again. Why do they insist on making me work so much harder after I get things all good and furred and smelly anyway? Then she put the soap on it, and then she put it in the hot thing with the big banging door. The humans go clean it off, and leave me to start all over getting it full of dog spit and that’s really hard work that requires a lot of unpaid hours of hard work. I feel this is unfair labor practices, resulting in a hostile work environment, because I have to do twice the work and all my human has to do is say: “Ferdinand, out.” I find this highly unethical, and the Ferdinand Rule Book doesn’t have a rule for telling my human no when she asks me to give her things. It would be unethical for me to not give her the toy. But it’s unethical for her to take all my hard-earned spit off that toy!
But she took my trout! And now it’s all fluffy and clean and wrong! She squeaked it at me. I refused to acknowledge her. Maybe if I give her the silent treatment, she’ll learn not to do things like that anymore.
But I’d like some sort of union meeting where we tell the humans it’s just wrong to take our broken or dirty or smelly toys and clean them. That’s when they’re in prime toy condition! I do not know how to help them understand that these belong to us, and we like them filthy and smelly!
Signed: Ferdinand the Guide Dog
Dear Ferdinand, active union member, number xxxxx:
Thank you for your letter of concern. We have reviewed your complain about a hostile work environment... but we do not find this rises to the level of hostile work environment because you can not play with your trout while working. This does not necessitate a strike by all Guide dogs, nor a labor meeting... but we do suggest continuing to administer silent treatment to your human until she learns that taking your toys and cleaning them is a bad human behavior. Please let us know if her behavior persists, and we will have a union rep visit her to discuss the matter further. The removal of cuddling, lack of wagging, and extra sad puppy eyes may be recommended if her behavior does not cease. We wish you the best of luck, and remind you to reach out with any concerns you have regarding your work. Thank you for your service. You are one outstanding service dogs.
Regards,
Your Union Rep: service dog unions HQ, Guide Dog division
Thank God mom hasnt washed any of my toys yet. I dont own many plush toys, mom thinks I'll destroy them.
¤Happe
